I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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