i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize