i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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