He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
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So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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