sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize