i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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