We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
50% drunk capacity currently
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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