This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
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At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
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What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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