Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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