I wish I could punch you in the face.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize