Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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