Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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