sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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