The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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