Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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