Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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