I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize