Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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