Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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