Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize