I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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