saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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