i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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