my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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