I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
ttyl tear gas
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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