I want to make a zoo with you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
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We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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