I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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