Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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