Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
