There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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