A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize