i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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