I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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