I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
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Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
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In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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