it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize