dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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