No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
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Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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