i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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