I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize