we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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