also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize