Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize