What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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