you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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