i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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