It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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