the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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