Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize