You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
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Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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