We won't sleep together?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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