My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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